Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What a dumb baby whore.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
