she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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