There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
