Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
