just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she pinky promised me she was 18
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
