bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
