ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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