then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
