I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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