I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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