Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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