im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
