I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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