This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
