I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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