I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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