i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
