I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
