I'm really into asian looking animals
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
