i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
