The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
