I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
