There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
