shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
