I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
