I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
