words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
