your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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