It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
