Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
