Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
