It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
