I smell stomach acid.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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