I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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