I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
