She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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