His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
