Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
