My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
