I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
