Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
