so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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