I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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