Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
whose parrot is this?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
