How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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