If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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