You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
