I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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