Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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