mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
