tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
